WHAT HAVE WE DONE WITH OUR LIVES

I write this with a heavy heart, not too long ago I published a blog site helping people to find better ways of salvation. I studied strongly in "astral projection", "time travel", which led to more and more metaphysical research and for the last several years of my personal research I thought I was getting close to the answer that salvation tool that could help each person to better themselves both financially and spiritually. My wife was very patient with me for all those years silently watching me build a crumbling empire of hollow truth and ignorance.

I justified to her and  to many others that there were other ways to peace and security all we had to do was find that discovery in the technical realm, the world we now live in which included using sound waves to alter brainwave states and radionic machines to heal one another etc. Some did work and quite well but not without a price! You see everything we do in this world begins as a "seed" whether good or bad (even with the best intentions) that is trying to help ourselves and others seeking this peace in the chaotic world we live in from day to day.

Years ago I found the Lord Jesus Christ and was saved and he used me in a mighty way some 30 years ago but over time since I was married and divorced and held down a career like so many others I slowly faded from my Christian walk and forgotten who and what I was and now become someone I hardly recognized in the mirror each day. Even though I continued my now "deleted blog" which I thought contained the secrets to the universe for the asking has become taunted with dismal bits of information compared to the word of God. In all that I did Jesus was watching and waiting in the corridors for me to reach out once more for his saving grace!

Still I would hear the small voice deep within myself urging me to come home to him but the cares of this world superseded his voice in my life. Now looking back at it I see the "cares" of this world are like a spiders web the more we get ourselves involved with it the more entangled we become and the end thereof is the "Spider" or satan ready to suck the life out of his or hers life at the end of our small existence ready to escort us to the fiery pits prepared for him and his angles and demons. My wife got a call today and it was crushing she works at a quick store for over 2 years and she is very knowledgeable of her work yet when a supervisory job came up they gave it to someone who hates people and lives on gossip and fear she was also placed on my wife's shift. I also felt her grief not only because she did not get the position but she is Asian which unfortunately for her keeps her from any and all promotions and I speak from experience since she came to the United States.

I say this in all truth because even though we are a democracy prejudice still runs rampart throughout our workplaces in the United States. Of course she and I will pray for the new boss so my wife will have a peaceful time at work and not be stressed out with her bosses gossiping and backbiting of others. This is not the first time in the 8 years she has been here that this happened, in the past 3 jobs in all those 10 years they all treated her the same exact way. So I do feel for her and love her very much but it's my fault as a husband and the supposed spiritual leader had I obeyed God in the past prayer would have changed all things and now we are reaping what we have sown in the past for disobedience to God.

What changed my mind about my research started last year, my wife and I were going to pay our rent before heading off to work and we came to a stop so we could make a left turn into the place to pay our rent when all the sudden we were hit from behind at 55 mph. This caused us severe whiplash injuries and 3 months of being off work and trying to recuperate. Yet my heart was still harden not realizing that Jesus was trying to get our attention but at first I started to pray then slowly as I got better and went back to work I returned to my research trying to discover a better way in this lifetime. But Jesus was not finished with me not by a long shot! Within that same year of the accident while serving with my state employer out of the blue I was being charged of "sexual harassment" from a co-worker who none the less was a lesbian and she proudly displayed it, this letter came in the mail and turned my life upside down.

I have nothing against the person who practices such things I leave them in God's hands for he is more than able to righteously judge the quick and the dead in these matters. We were joking around one day and she got real nasty and I said to myself enough so I said something to her jokingly but nothing sexual mind you but she used it to try to get me fired because she told others she never liked me whatsoever. Imagine receiving a letter from the state and telling you that you are being investigated. That was the worst time in my life not knowing if I would be fired if I was proven guilty. So all my co-workers were interviewed and I was so worried that I was going to quit my job not knowing if I would be able to find another which is hard to do these days.

I cried out to God of the injustice that was happening to me he told me everything would be all right...Yet I was in such agonizing turmoil and stress not knowing for sure until the end results came. But God was faithful the woman who had filed charges against me was fired instead. It reminded me of the evil Hammond and his sons that were building gallows for the Jews to be hung and ended up they were hung in their own devices. I did not delight in the firing of this woman a simple apology would have sufficed yet the state felt it was falsified charges and the state does not put up with or is tolerable with discrimination of any kind.

Yet afterwards my heart was still somewhat harden but I walked in fear everyday because after the event my boss said I was targeted myself because he was forced to fire this trainee and I have been there for over 6 years with a clean record. Imagine going to work everyday looking over your back wondering what kind of setup is being built for your behalf. But Jesus was not finished with me yet! I was going to work as usual I took a back country road I like to drive on those quiet roads to calm down before getting to work. I came out of a small town and notice the speed limit was 50 and right after that 55 as soon as I came to that sign I increased my speed and all of the sudden a driver of a mini-van pulled directly out in front of me with no warning. I slammed on my breaks and headed straight into her.

My car was once again totaled and later after much pain the MRI's came back and showed the doctor I had a 3 cm tear in my rotator cuff and I needed an operation asap. I got the operation and it was then Jesus brought me to the cross roads of my life, he did not appear physically but I heard is voice from within and he said this is it son you have two choices either you serve me for the rest of your life or you serve satan. I wish I could say I was stunned but I wasn't I knew exactly what he meant. It was then I sought the lord with tearful repentance for over two months being home. My lovely wife had to care for me and bathe me and cut my food its hard to do with only one arm.

Because of her faith in God and mine growing by the day I am able to fully type this with great speed and deep thought before I could not bring my arm up past my hips. I am still off work and I am searching my inner most being with the help of Jesus and God the Holy Spirit. When he brings to memory any sins of my past I immediately repent sorrowfully and give it to him who is able to save me from myself and from hell created for the devils and his angels. I still have a long ways to go my wife and I do exactly what he asks we read and study the bible together everyday and pray together everyday. We walk by faith and not by sight or feelings, faith pleases God but just having mental faith in God is not enough to save anyone one must act upon that faith one must turn away from their sins willfully with no conditions completely and pledge to Jesus you will live your life for him and no one else.

What does this mean to the Christian? If you do as Jesus commands you in his word that is to love the lord  your God with all your heart and all your soul and with all your strength and love your neighbor as yourself you Christian have fulfilled the law and this is from Jesus own mouth which he spake for love does not do ill to his neighbor. Brothers and Sisters what Jesus revealed in my heart this reality if you hold any kind of unforgiveness he or the father will not forgive you of your sins. But you say I am saved, on the contrary we sin everyday and no sin will enter heaven but you say I repented but on the contrary if you did not forgive your co-workers or friend or your enemies for what they did to you in your past or present God will not forgive you of any sins you have committed it is in his word.

This is probably the hardest thing you and I will ever have to do as a Christian of faith in Christ, forgiveness is what Jesus did for us when he went to the cross and shed is blood even though he was murdered by sinners he looked up and said, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do". If your master can forgive them who crucified him how much more is at stake for us if we do not forgive our enemies for is a servant greater than his master? In closing of this testimony I want to say for the record the prodigal son and daughter has come home to Jesus and it is our hunger for his word to produce the fruits of the Holy Spirit of God. My brothers and sisters and neighbors who read this I still have a heavy heart of my past disobedience with my lord but I have faith in him who is able to save both my wife and I to the utmost. Please no matter what you may have done in your past or present just know Jesus is there knocking at your heart and with his still small voice telling you to come and enter into his rest and sanctuary of peace.